Think of kitchen valances, and heavy (or puffy) curtains in garish colors and prints may spring to mind, ... acceptable to swag up your kitchen windows. ... A valance should just fit your window.

MY WINDOW treatments give me—to use the patois of the internet—the Sads. The thick, faux-wood blinds evoke sidewalk grates when they’re open and an armadillo’s flinty hide when shut.